Holiday Survival Guide, Part 1
It is certainly that time of year. The days are short, the weather is getting colder, and schools are winding down towards every kid's favorite break. If you are anything like me, you are desperately trying to keep life from hurdling at light speed towards the new year. The holidays bring so many complex feelings to us; the nostalgia of the years passed, the traditions we hold to still, or the ones that are now only a memory. For many of us, this time of year elicits happiness and time with family. But, undeniably, for countless others, the holidays bring massive amounts of anxiety, sadness, and discord. In this article, we are going to talk about what I consider perhaps the MOST important aspect for your mental health survival at the holidays:
BOUNDARIES
Setting boundaries is critical to our wellbeing any time of the year, not just at the holidays. I liken boundaries to the metaphor of a garden. Say for instance, I go out and plant a garden to feed myself and my family. I work hard at this garden, I spend a lot of time working to make it successful so that it will provide food for us. I am proud of this garden. Also, in my yard there live rabbits. Rabbits are cute, my wife and kids love them and they have never caused us any worry so far. We are happy to cohabitate with the rabbits. But then the next day I wake up and a rabbit has made a mess of the garden, damaging several of the plants beyond repair. I am devastated by this as my hard work has been undone. I have decided now that a boundary needs to be put in place in order to protect my garden from rabbits. And so, I construct a fence, one that keeps rabbits on one side, and my garden on the other. I still don’t want any harm to come to the rabbits, but if they are going to live in my backyard, there are going to be new rules.
This metaphor applies to our lives as well. Boundaries allow us to protect our mental health, our feelings, and our energy from being overused or taken advantage of. Boundaries maintain our identity and self, they can bluntly state what we are willing to accept in our lives. Plainly, boundaries make it known that “this is how I am building my world, where I am spending my energy, and what I find important and valuable. Others are welcome in my world, to have some of my energy, and participate in what I find important and valuable, but it will be on these terms.”
But why do the holidays get such a focal point? Why for so many people do these 4 weeks of the year create such turmoil and discomfort?
Well, what other time in our lives do we have so much pressure on our time, our money, and our feelings than this window of weeks each year? As we get older, we have more events to attend, more families to see, more activities to cram into our already busy schedule. Our children have plays, our jobs have parties, and our town has holiday events, all shoved and folded into a 4-ish week period. We have family members travelling from all over, food to bake, decorations to put up, and guest beds to make up. We have the time honored routines we follow, singing certain songs, watching certain films, dressing a certain way on a very specific day/time. All this is happening while we haven’t even taken a minute to think about our feelings, our mental health, and how we are doing.
It really is the perfect storm. Even the jolliest of us can get worn down during this time of the year. And for some, we may be participating in traditions we no longer like, ones we are not passionate about, that have very strong emotional ties to things we do not want to relive. Some will be spending time with family, out of obligation, that are toxic for them to be around. And many of us do this, every year, for no other reason than because it is the holidays. No wonder the holidays leave so many a wreck.
So what do we do? How do we make sure we survive the holidays? We set boundaries. We decide what we want our holidays to look like and go after it, even if this means we may upset the apple cart a bit, or that we have to remove some traditions that are just not edifying for us any longer. It is OK to build the holidays that are our dream. It’s OK to say to others, this is how we are going to do it this year, we would love to have you with us, but this is what is required to do so.
Here are a list of three things to consider as we get ready for the holidays to be upon us:
What traditions are important for us to do this year?
What family is coming over and should they be there?
What time do you have for everything, and where is it going?
Next week, we will discuss this list in more detail and develop our holiday boundaries that will truly give us a leg up on keeping our mental wellness a priority and hopefully help us have the holiday season we really truly want to be a part of. You’re worth it!
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
